The Exit Interview

[Justin Biermann]

(ooc: I hope this is okay! :))

Justin swept the remainder of his belongings into a cardboard box, temporarily stashing it on his now-vacant desk, next to his coat and scarf. His fellow trainee, Neil, clapped him on the shoulder and muttered something about how he was sad to see him go, though the small smile and swing in his step suggested that the other guy was more than happy to be the new 'top recruit' now that Justin was out of the picture.

He looked at his watch and sighed, forcing himself to head toward Amy's office. He'd successfully avoided any sessions with the woman during his time with the program, as he was generally fairly stoic and good at appearing, at the very least, to have his shit together. The thought of being forced to -- God forbid -- emote in front of someone, especially when he had a 'complicated' relationship with the therapist's children, was generally horrifying. However, it seemed this final exit interview couldn't be avoided.

"Good morning Mrs. Arm-- Ms. Beaumont," he corrected himself, cringing slightly. "We had an appointment?" From the look on his face, it would appear that Justin was preparing for his execution.

[Amy Beaumont]

Hearing a knock at her open office door, the blonde looked up to find Justin Biermann stood on the threshold, looking like he would rather be anywhere else in the world right now than there. “Ah, Mr Biermann, how nice that we should finally get to meet in this capacity,” Amy commented as she shuffled the papers she had been filling in into a neat stack which she carefully arranged on the right of her desk. Placing her pen down parallel to the stack she then looked at Justin properly with a kind smile, “Please, do come in and close the door behind you, and maybe you could try not to look as though I am about to sign your death warrant?” she suggested lightly, having noticed the boy’s less-than-impressed expression. “And please, don’t worry yourself over my name, it’s still odd for me to sign my name as Ms Beaumont,” she assured him to avoid any embarrassment over the slip as he called her by her previous, married name.

She stood up and smoothed down her skirt out of habit, gesturing to the other part of her office where she had a more comfortable armchair and sofa set on which to conduct such interviews, “Would you like to sit down? Can I get you a drink… some water perhaps, hmm?” she offered, trying to make him feel at ease. She knew there must be a reason why he’d avoided every single scheduled appointment during his training – she suspected he didn’t like the idea of what she did, didn’t like the idea of talking about his feelings, or he didn’t see the point in it. Whatever the reason, Justin had to have this exit interview and so Amy hoped that she could at least try to understand some of what his motivations were for this sudden career change.

[Justin Biermann]

"Sorry," Justin said with his head inclined downward, apologizing again for his his slip-up. "It's just a reflex from when I was dating Na-- uh, never mind, we don't have to talk about that," he assured both Amy and (mostly) himself as he made his way over to the seats she indicated. Despite the comfortable plush chair, Justin still looked like he was in an interrogation room. His left leg jiggled up and down slightly as he took in all of the 'calming' decor in Amy's office.

"Water would be great, thanks," he said, taking the glass and sipping slowly to stall for time. "Sorry, I don't really know how these things start. Should I have come prepared? I feel like I should have come prepared."

[Amy Beaumont]

Amy quickly supressed a falter in her expression and made an extra effort to smile sympathetically, “No, we don’t have to talk about that,” she agreed, then suggested smoothly, her head tilted slightly to one side as she considered him thoughtfully, “Unless, of course, you feel like you ought to, if it’s something you need to talk about?”

She quickly conjured him a glass of water and handed it to him, sitting down across from him and gracefully tucking one ankle primly behind the other. “No, there’s really no need for preparation. Look… Justin… may I call you that? Look, I know you are clearly hesitant about the whole idea of what I do in this department, the fact you conveniently had to rearrange every single appointment I scheduled for you proves that. Was this really only because some kind of awkwardness you assumed would be present due to your relationship with my daughter?” the blonde asked sensitively.

[Justin Biermann]

"Uh. Not particularly?" Justin laughed awkwardly. He didn't know if Natasha was particularly close with her mother or if she had ever disclosed the 'complications' of their relationship, so he could only hope that Ms Beaumont was not under the impression that he'd somehow intentionally used and misled her beloved daughter and broke her heart.

"Yeah, sure, it's my name. That or Lagerdude. Uh, that was a joke." He exhaled and scratched behind his ear. "Not really, no. I mean, I completely respect the mental health profession and I'm sure you do excellent work here. I'll try to answer any questions you ask. That's not the issue at all. I'm just... not much for talking, sorry. But I'm totally fine. Promise." It wouldn't take an expert to see that he hadn't been totally fine over the past few months or so, but talking about it just felt like wallowing. The Biermanns were very much a 'keep it to yourself' sort of people, and he was sure his issues were inconsequential compared to what other people had to deal with.

[Amy Beaumont]

Amy made an extra effort to smile as she sensed Justin was feeling particularly awkward about mentioning Natasha, “You don’t sound so convinced,” she commented lightly, “We don’t have to discuss Natasha. In fact, I sense both you and I would prefer if we pretended as though we haven’t met previously in a… ‘social’ situation, hmmm?” she suggested.

“Lagerdude?” her brow creased slightly in confusion before she realised the origin of the nickname and laughed lightly, “Oh I see, very nice! Well, I think I shall stick with calling you Justin for now.” She noticed how he scratched behind his ear as a slight nervous tick and looked down at her small notebook momentarily as though to alleviate the pressure of being under observation from him. Speaking softly she nodded gratefully, “Of course, thank you for saying that, it’s a very diplomatic answer… you should probably consider diplomacy at some point, if you don’t mind me saying.”

The blonde twisted her pen between her fingers and continued, “Mmm. I have experience with… people who are ‘not much for talking’ and that was a problem, there was a lack of communication and that’s not a good thing, for either party. Maybe he felt like he didn’t need to talk to me, or anyone, maybe he felt he didn’t have any problems or that his issues weren’t as relevant or problematic as some people’s but I honestly think sometimes people would benefit from talking to someone whose job it is to listen, without judgement, and try to help by providing a listening ear. Please… I’m not going to pressure you into talking about anything you do not wish to broach but… may I just ask why you deciding to leave the training programme? Was there a particular reason or otherwise?”

[Justin Biermann]

Justin glanced down at Amy's notebook at the same time she did; somehow the thought of her potentially taking notes just stressed him out more. "Ha. Thanks. I mean... I guess I ought to take any career suggestions I can get, at this point, so I do appreciate it."

He listened to Amy and nodded politely, even though he didn't entirely take her words to heart. Like his father before him, he'd built a whole identity around being everyone's stable rock. "Don't worry about it, I... kind of figured I'd have to answer that question," Justin laughed. He'd already told Sarah bits and pieces, even if he hadn't completely sorted through his own true reasons for quitting. "I don't think I could hurt someone, if I had to. The guilt would kill me. Being a trainee was great, don't get me wrong, but I just don't think this job was ever what I really wanted. I was always good at school, and I suppose I wanted to keep that going with all of the training and exams here." Justin folded his hands and rested them on the side of the chair. He'd conveniently left out how he was afraid school might be the only thing he was ever good at. How guilty he felt for wasting a spot in the program, for wasting everyone's time. How lost and utterly without purpose he'd suddenly found himself. He simply nodded as if that was that, and looked up at Amy expectantly.

[Amy Beaumont]

((ooc: Sorry, she's terrible but I'm on a 'reply to EVERYTHING' roll today whilst I procrastinate reading I really don't want to do haha.))

Amy nodded slightly, “It is worth having as many options available as possible, surely,” she agreed, “And I could see you in a diplomatic meeting in a foreign Ministry, you might consider it.”

“Mm hmm,” she encouraged softly, gazing across at him attentively as he started to explain his motivations, “I can understand that, of course. But… the department’s sole purpose is not to hurt people, in fact if they are, then that ought to be looked at. It’s all fine and well claiming your actions are for ‘the greater good’ but it’s unacceptable if you feel as though you’d be forced into hurting someone and would have no other choice in the matter. I’m not a trained Auror but I’m quite sure that there ought to be non-violent ways to bring guilty people to justice,” the blonde commented with a slight sigh at this, quickly scribbling down a note in French about this. “So, am I to understand that your initial reason for taking this job, really, was that you saw it as a natural progression from Hogwarts? That it is a path that talented students just naturally follow along after graduation?” she asked, her tone more curious than probing. She didn’t want to make him feel uncomfortable but just wanted to understand a bit more. She also wondered how many people had joined the Aurors with this same thinking in mind.

[Justin Biermann]

(ooc: Aw, she's lovely! I don't want to have to study for statistics, so I feel you. )

Ugh, but then I'd have to deal with Rhys every day, he thought, but very wisely did not say it out loud, instead opting for, "Doesn't your son do something like that?"

"Uh, sorry. I didn't mean it like that. I mean, we're not Guantanamo or something," he quickly clarified, unable to stop himself from watching Amy writing in her notepad. "It's just... I over-think. I don't feel comfortable making split-second decisions, even to protect myself or my colleagues, unless I know for a fact that it's the right choice. That's all."

He frowned slightly. "Wow, yeah. I've never put it like that, but... yeah, that seems about right. I could either become an Auror or a Healer, those were the options I saw for myself, and my grades just happened to be better in the Auror-track classes. I mean... I have plenty of friends who are still figuring out what they want to do. Or who work a couple of part-time jobs while they pursue creative passions in their spare time. And I'd never look down on them or make them feel like they're not doing enough in life. But if I feel like a failure for not having a prestigious job, does that make me a shi-- judgmental person by proxy?"

[Amy Beaumont]

((ooc: From tonight at 6 o clock exactly I’m technically free until January so… expect a lot of random posts everywhere from then on, ha.))

Amy smiled and nodded, “Yes, Rhys does, he works as a translator under Michael Lehrer now but he spent his time after graduation in France essentially. I think he wishes Alistair and I had found a home there rather than in London, he’d rather be French by birth I think,” she shook her head slightly in a good-natured way at this. The fondness for her son was evident in the depth and warmth of her smile even though she tried to remain professional about the whole thing and steer the conversation back onto him. “Rhys was always a fiend for language and language learning, we encouraged it as much as possible, but translation is probably where he fits in best rather than all-out diplomacy. He doesn’t have the uh… discretion and peace-keeping you have I think. No?” she asked curiously. She didn’t want to steer him towards a career, per say, just provide him with different options that he perhaps hadn’t considered. He probably felt a bit lost and she could relate to that and hoped to say something constructive that would help him rather than merely treating this as another box they had to tick for him to officially exit the training programme.

“No, this is not Guantanamo,” the blonde agreed with a slight amused smile at this, “You over-think? You think too much, too deeply, too long? So that by the time it came to act it would be too late?” she checked, nodding in understanding and scribbling another note down, “Life out in the field is not black and white, admittedly, as many people would prefer it to be. There’s a certain level of trusting your gut with these things and acting first, philosophising later… or else that’s the impression I get from the Aurors here. And I don’t know how you get to that point, whether it’s inherent in one, or whether it comes with time,” she broke off and shrugged softly. “I’m not an Auror by any means, I could not do it either.”

“Mmm, yes, that does seem to be what most graduates think,” Amy nodded, “Police and law enforcement… or… medicine, either or… make your decision now… that’s the impression I get at what it’s like when you leave Hogwarts.” Leaning back comfortably and listening to Justin speak, she looked thoughtful as he spoke of his friends, “I think you feel like a failure for not having a ‘career’, not having one thing to pursue without deviation. Your friends who work part-time and indulge creative hobbies, they hope to eventually quit ‘work’ in that sense and solely live off their creative talents?” she asked, “You’re not judgmental, Justin. You just need to reassess what you’re happiest doing for a large portion of your life. If you want to work solely for the sake of getting on in life, then find a job, any job, which will pay bills, but if you want to work because you want to pursue something you have a passion for, go into a job with that in mind. You work in Bradley O’Connor’s bar, do you not? What do you feel about your job there? Do you like it?”

[Justin Biermann]

(ooc: Congratulations!!)

"Yeah, I s'pose I get that. I think I'm meant to be a bit German. I visited my cousins in Frankfurt last summer, and I like living in a world where eight o'clock means eight o'clock, you know?" He nodded politely, trying not to reveal his rather disparaging opinions about Amy's son. 'I suppose matters of international diplomacy don't respond to offers of bong hits?' he thought to himself. "Well. Thank you, that's very kind of you to say. I really do appreciate it. I think I just have to... I don't know, take some time to weigh all my options. Make some pro-con charts, maybe."

"Right," Justin nodded at Amy's assessment. "Whatever it is, it's not something that can be learned out of a book, no matter how hard you study. That's what I didn't fully realize, until I got here."

He shrugged. "I mean, maybe. That's what my friend Juliet is doing, taking a stab at the music business. It's brave of her, I think." He fell silent when she mentioned his job at the bar, not sure whether to mention his brews. It felt like a ridiculous pipe dream, at this point, and he didn't want to get his hopes up. "Yeah, I do. Quite a lot. I'm not sure that I'm the most personable of the staff, but maybe grumpiness is a trait people appreciate in their barmen, who knows," he laughed. "I've been brewing my own stuff, inventing drinks? People seem to like them, but I suppose alcohol to people in their twenties isn't really a hard sell."