This is a pie shop, not a herbal crack den

[Ned McAvoy]

Ned was at home, in the metaphorical rather than literal sense, even though he did live above his business - he was, as ever, engrossed in rolling the pastry out for a few different fruit pies. The love and care with which he deftly laid the pastry over the open pie and then squeezed the edges shut showed he really did enjoy his work. In some ways all he was was a piemaker, it completely defined him; it was his livelihood and his hobby, as sad as that may seem to outsiders who didn't know him very well.

At this present moment, Ned McAvoy was sliding the completed pies into the industrial oven and wiping the counter down as one of the girls who worked for him took care of the couple of customers sat in booths. It was the mid-afternoon lull, a time which Ned used to read comics or make extra pies or even visit Rosemary next door, though on this occassion a familiar figure ducked through the doorway then, the tinkling bell above the door alerting them to the customer. "Geoff! Just in time. Forgive me for saying it but you look like you could definitely use something sugary and sweet," he grinned good-naturedly as he took in his friend's slightly jumpy, on-edge nature which usually meant he had some kind of deadline fast approaching.

((ooc: Okay, not the best but Ned is here and ready! Ignore the random PD quote as the title, might change it when my brain is helpful and comes up with something, anything else!))

[Professor Freeman]

Geoff wandered into Ned's pie shop in a distracted haze, wringing his hands and stopping every few seconds to scratch at his now overwhelming beard growth. For Geoff, the winter months seemed to inevitably lead to a depression-procrastination-panic-guilt spiral. Which led him to Ned's. Because not only did Ned have a pie available at all times, he'd known Geoff for years. He'd seen him at the brink of nervous breakdown more than his own therapist. Hell, he'd even witnessed the great 'Failed to Study for OWLs Until the Night Before' incident of 1995.

So on this cold morning, with both his book deadline looming and the first draft of paper he swore he'd send to Benedict two weeks ago existing as nothing but a few notes on a cafe napkin, he paced back and forth in front of Ned's counter. "Ned. Neddy. Nedward! Was that a come-on? Don't answer that! No time for jokes! The usual!" he said while waving his hands and forcing himself to sit still on a seat so he wouldn't look quite so mental. 'The usual' was rhubarb pie with a pi symbol on top -- it was the little things, really.

Holding his head in his hands, he asked, "What would you do if you had to, say, bake five hundred pies in an afternoon and there was no way you could get it done? And exactly how crazy would it be to give up your entire career, move to Hawaii and open a coconut stand?"

[Ned McAvoy]

A bearded Geoff generally meant one thing - a bad breakup or a deadline, or possibly both, but all Ned knew was that equated to a need for pie, stat. He reached for Geoff's usual pie, plating some up whilst he watched his friend pacing back and forth in front of his counter. "It wasn't a come-on, no, I assure you I have if-only-slightly better lines than that," he assured him, holding back a smile as Geoff claimed there was no time for jokes. "Way ahead of you," Ned said, pushing the plated pie and fork over to him as he had to practically force himself to sit still at the counter.

Then, leaning casually on it, cup of tea in hand, Ned waited for Geoff to spill the beans about his rather unstable mental state. Considering his friend's question he sighed, "Hmmm, well, to be honest I'd still give it my best shot, bake as many as I possibly could without compromising the quality. Then I'd apologise to whoever was waiting for the humongous pie order, the profits of which would probably mean I had enough cash to do this place up, and promise to get the outstanding order to them as soon as possible after the deadline. All I could do is do my very best, hope that they see that as good enough, and apologise," he shrugged simply.

"For me, that would be crazy, I tried giving everything up and running away, admittedly not to Hawaii but at least it was in the US region," Ned pointed out with a wry smile, "It just didn't work, I missed everything I'd given up and came back. You? You'd burn to a crisp in Hawaii my friend," he added good-humouredly, recalling Geoff's interesting 'tan' when he'd been to the Quidditch World Cup a few years back. Taking a sip of his cup of tea, he continued, "How many pies do you have to bake then and when for?" he asked, turning the metaphor on Geoff with a quietly concerned glance at his oldest friend.

[Professor Freeman]

About to dig his fork into a large slice of pie, Geoff stopped for a moment and pointed it at Ned. "Cheers. That was some classic reasonable Ned logic." To Geoff, Ned had always seemed like more of a classic Ravenclaw -- cool, levelheaded, always got his shit done.

Geoff briefly recalled his friend's stateside sabbatical. He'd missed the guy -- everyone did -- but his leaving was completely understandable, and they'd tried their best to get back to normal once he'd returned. Ned had remained remarkably stoic over that whole period of his life... it made Geoff feel like a bit of a dick for having complete mental breakdowns over far less. "To be fair, major life changes aren't really my style," he admitted, now putting all of his mental energy into shoveling rhubarb pie in his face. "I might tell everyone I left, but actually stay in bed all day, watching quiz shows and sneaking out in the middle of the night to get food. Actually, Isabella could probably charm my office to look a bit tropical? That'd be nice. I might be less inclined to throw myself from the Astronomy tower," Geoff mused out loud.

"Well, one giant pie," he said while gesturing in a large circle with his fork. "Book deadline. I thought I could just work from my lecture notes, but there's a minor problem there in that I, er, don't currently know where they are. Then there's a lot of... small tarts, I suppose. As in the baked good, not dwarf hookers."

[Ned McAvoy]

Ned smiled as Geoff thanked him, "I do try," he admitted jokingly, "It's true, though, the only thing you can do is try to have something to give to the person, apologise, and say the rest will be along asap. There's no point freaking out for hours about how you're never going to get something done before a deadline, it just gives you less time to crack on with it," he shrugged as though this were the most obvious thing in the world.

"Nah, not really," he agreed, watching with an amused look as Geoff at the pie quickly, "That could work too, I'm sure Isabella could work something out to help you. You'd be more than welcome to camp out here during the night, unlimited supply of beverages from the coffee machine and near-unlimited pastries and baked goods is what I could offer." Raising his cup of tea to his mouth, his brow furrowed slightly at his friend's comment - whilst a joke, the musing of such things sometimes made him worry about Geoff's true mental state. He wasn't the person to broach that deep of a subject though, he couldn't even deal with his own emotions over shit that had happened to him so how could he deal with someone else's too? "Thank god your office is nowhere near there then," he commented lightly, followed by a gulp of tea.

"Have you tried accio-ing them? Or the good old fashioned... clearing your office up in an effort to find them and return to some kind of filing system?" Ned said, "How's the book coming along though? Not very well I take it but, well, couldn't you talk to your publishers about the possibility of an extension?" he asked, "Orrrrr, get Benedict onto the case to fight your corner? Something tells me that he would probably love to bully, I mean er- persuade, some publishers into cutting you some slack so you could get the book finished properly." Feigning a look of surprise, "Not dwarf hookers? Damn, your life seemed extremely colourful and intriguing for a second there," he easily joked before shaking his head and becoming serious once more. "Seriously though, how tricky and numerous are these small tarts in your life? Anything you wanna share? Believe it or not, I've got a lot better at listening and advice-giving since opening up this place," he gestured vaguely around them with a small smile.

[Professor Freeman]

"That's a smashing idea, my friend," Geoff said while scoping out the shop for a place to set up his workspace, mentally deciding on the table right underneath Rosemary's painting of a treacle tart. He thought he might work better under the disapproving watch of a dessert he'd never particularly enjoyed. "It'll be like old times! But with less pot. And less Weezer songs. Probably an equal number of Star Wars references and Weezer glasses." Geoff then closed his eyes and shook his head lightly to let Ned know that he needn't worry about him. "I also resent walking up stairs. Get with modern technology, Hogwarts."

"I think I may have accidentally binned them after they got mixed in with some old takeaway menus," he admitted. If anything, he could blame the bad economy for all of those fine takeaway places going out of business. He carefully considered the things Ned said, chewing thoughtfully. Perhaps grand ambition just wasn't his thing. He'd survive somehow, pull something together in the eleventh hour, then fade back into anonymity and contentedly go about his normal job. Relax. Everything will be fine. "Actually, there are a plethora of both small tarts and dwarf hookers, but I don't call them by those slang terms. I prefer 'diminutive ladies of the evening'."

He sipped coffee and shrugged, "Oh, you know. Exams to mark. Part of a paper I owe Benedict despite playing Angry Birds during our last meeting. Crippling imposter syndrome and the sense of impending doom particular to the human condition. This feels very one-sided. What's going on in the world of Ned? Can I interest you in an attempt at advice that devolves into a series of surreal non-sequiturs?"

[Ned McAvoy]

((ooc: Sorry this is a bit blah, poor Ned won't cooperate with me.))

“Why thank you, I do try,” Ned jokingly inclined his head to his friend, noticing Geoff's gaze scan the shop as if mentally scoping out a workspace, “Over there is a prime spot,” he suggested, nudging his head over at a table under a painting of a treacle tart. “Mmm less pot, more pie?” he suggested lightly and then leaned forward against the counter top casually as he spoke, “I would never wish to have the number of Star Wars references decline, my friend.”

Hearing of the plight of the lecture notes, Ned closed his eyes in despair, “Oh Geoff,” he said, shaking his head in disappointment, “You desperately need a filing system. Or less takeaway menus.” Taking another sip of tea he looked thoughtful, “Mmm, 'diminutive ladies of the evening' you say? Very respectful, I approve,” he agreed with a highly amused grin which faded into a more subdued sincere expression as his friend explained his troubles. “Exams, papers promised to Benedict, impending doom... the usual then?” he retorted light heartedly before a soft sigh, “You can advise me if you wish... on what, I do not know, not much excitement in my life, never is really, I'm just... just Ned, you know?” he pointed out, “I made a new brand of cookies yesterday, for Valentine's Day you know? I completed Portal 2 for the fifth time last night... well early this morning. I worried about my supposed 'love life'... the usual.”

[Professor Freeman]

"I'd ask if you'd ever put pot in a baked good, but I feel like that's not your style. You're a dessert purist, and I respect that," Geoff said with measured consideration. He'd dialed down slightly from pure panic which was probably a good sign, despite the undercurrent of anxiety that kept resurfacing whenever he failed to distract himself. "Good. And what the hell, let's play some Weezer. Pinkerton was amazing when I was sixteen, and it's amazing now. Deal with it."

"Oh, Nedward. Always trying to impose order on an innately chaotic universe," he laughed and shook his head jokingly, like Ned was the ridiculous one. What was he supposed to do, get up and open a cabinet every time he needed something? A cabinet? "It's like telling a squirrel to catalog all the nuts he buries. Maybe I'll find my nuts, maybe I'll find someone else's nuts, but either way I'm satisfied and I... probably should have thought this sentence through before I said it."

Suddenly realizing that he'd finished his pie and was basically stabbing at empty air, Geoff pointed his fork at Ned. "What, having problems with all your midget escorts? Or is it..." he said while discreetly pointing in the direction of the shop next door.

[Ned McAvoy]

((ooc: Well this is very overdue but I randomly had the urge to write as Ned and I went with it!))

“Woah, woah, hold up, don’t even joke about that kind of thing,” Ned protested, wide-eyed, “Pot does not belong in pies, okay? I might allow it in a crumble, at a push, but not in pies.” Chuckling to himself as Geoff emphatically defended Pinkerton he nodded, “Whatever you say my friend, I’m not going to argue with a die-hard Weezer fan.”

He frowned slightly, “What’s wrong with a little order? The chaotic universe out there is scary so having a little order in your life is… you know… my way of dealing with the crushing uncertainty of it all. You should try it some time,” he suggested lightly and could not help but break out into a loud laugh as Geoff’s analogy quickly descended into something else entirely. “You might want to try that too, thinking about what you say before you start saying it. Anna once gave me a great tip vis-à-vis that, record your conversations for a day and you will quickly realise how many times you a) put your foot in it and b) make sexual innuendos that you didn’t even realise you were making but, sure as punch, the other person you’re talking to picked up on. It helped me to stop becoming a quivering wreck in conversation so much,” Ned explained casually.

“Geoff? No pie,” he pointed out, seeing his friend stab at the area the pie slice had previously occupied, “Oh no, no, nothing like that, my midget escorts know their place,” he said seriously, nodding his head. “No I… well yeah I…” he started to speak many different sentences before sighing, taking another sip of tea to encourage him along a bit, “I just really like her. Should I? I mean… I don’t know… I still feel guilty, I mean I know Anna passed away years ago now but… she’d want me to be happy… right? And I haven’t really made any… moves, relationship-wise, because I felt like I was betraying her memory or something. And I know that’s stupid because she was the nicest person I’ve ever met and she’d slap me for being so stupid and ‘condemning myself to loneliness’…” he trailed off, feeling he wasn’t exactly sure what his point even was. “But yeah I mean Rosemary hasn’t ran away yet and I always feel like that’s a good sign. Do you think she’d want to… I mean… date 'properly'?” he asked Geoff and then groaned, running a hand over his face awkwardly, “God, I’m a grown man and I’m incapable of asking a woman I like out to dinner. Ned McAvoy just shouldn’t be allowed a love life, I should just go live in a monastery.”

[Professor Freeman]

(ooc: "Geoffrey, you blowhard!")

"Dealing with the crushing uncertainty of life is what alcohol is for. You have much to learn, young jedi," Geoff deadpanned. "It didn't make you second guess everything you say? I dunno, I like to start my sentences blindly and hope to find them somewhere along the way." He'd always been chatty, and usually needed to talk things out to get a handle on them. So many words came out of his mouth daily that if 30% of them were somehow useful, he considered it a success. "That is a brilliant solution to the problem of saving my lecture notes, though. Cheers, Nedward."

"Oh," he said, looking down at the empty plate. "Could I get a cup of tea, then?" Geoff nodded as his friend spoke, letting him get all his thoughts out. "The monastery, there's an idea. I think you might look good bald? I dunno, I just see it. I'd join you, but my ears are too big. I'd look like a tea cup."

Finally coming around to the serious point he wanted to make, Geoff gestured expressively with his hands as he spoke. "Nedward. First off, of course Anna would want you to be happy. Secondly, you don't have to go out to dinner if that's going to put pressure on it, you know? She clearly has a thing for you, so just ask her to do something you both enjoy. Clarifying the 'date' bit might be a bit awkward, but she's awkward too, so it's not like she's going to stand there judging you." He'd decided to delve headfirst into Ned's problem as a way to distract from his own, and so far it seemed to be working.

[Ned McAvoy]

((ooc: Alright the ‘drinking apple schnapps and playing Tekken 2 thing is from Shaun of the Dead, dunno why that random line came into my head but I shamelessly stole it to put in here.))

“Well I guess, but I’ve never been a huge alcohol drinker, you know that, especially given the last time I did drink was a while back when we stayed up all night, drinking apple schnapps and playing Tekken 2,” he reminded his friend with a knowing look. It was a day in which Ned discovered his button-bashing style of playing Tekken didn’t really improve that much with the addition of alcohol. Returning to the subject of taping himself he shook his head, then nodded, then shrugged in answer, “I guess, I mean don’t get me wrong I like starting to speak and just seeing where the hell I end up tailing off to, but it’s gotten me into trouble, socially, before so… yeah… and you know what Anna was like, always wanted to help me improve my self-confidence in social situations so she figured maybe if I actually realised what I said sometimes it would probably help.” As he took his solution and applied it to a different problem Ned grinned, “Glad I could help solve another of your problems inadvertently.”

Already going over to the kettle he nodded, “Coming right up,” he said in reference to the tea, leaving it to boil while he explained his woes to Geoff. “Really, you think bald would work for me?” he asked doubtfully, squinting as he tried to picture himself without hair. “Hmmm interesting thought, I’ll file that one away for future reference. And speaking of tea cups-” he trailed off, holding up a finger to say ‘one moment’ while he bustled off and then reappeared with Geoff’s cup of tea. Then, as his friend began to give some advice, Ned clung onto his own cup of tea as though this were also providing moral support. “I know, I know she’d want me to be happy,” he agreed, a little sadly as he realised that he’d once tossed and turned over whether Anna would want him going off with some other woman. “Dinner has always made me… I don’t know uncomfortable, I guess? It’s like there’s so much pressure on it to be date-like and all romantic-comedy-gold and to go well and… I don’t do well under pressure, let alone that kind of pressure, you might have noticed?” he let out a dry laugh at this before he bit his lip anxiously. “So you think I should just ask her if she wants to do something together this weekend, just the two of us? I’m not calling it a ‘date’, it only leads to me making an arse of myself, it’s a ‘date-like-thing’ in my own head.”