Beck-Wickham-Holloway-Album-of-Awesome

[simonbw]

Who is that dashing gentleman?! IS IT ME? I almost failed to realise at first, because I NEVER DRINK. Children, look away!



MY SIBLINGS! ELLEN, CHARLIE, MICHAEL AND VANESSA. I also have parents, but they are old and boring and do not know who Lady Gaga is, or that "WTF" means "Whoa, tree frog!" ALSO they refuse to give me pictures of themselves after my teenage foray into hilarious collages.



So listen, Universe... can we just go ahead and name me Luckiest Man Alive and get on with it? Because I've got a great speech planned that really tells those Martians WHAT'S WHAT! This is my wife, MARILYN HOLLOWAY. The smartest, funniest, bravest, most stunningly beautiful woman I've ever known. Also, Universe, now that I have your attention: just how do you expect me to quit smoking when I've got someone around me making it look SO DAMN GOOD?


I shall now present the BECK-WICKHAM-HOLLOWAY children, like that monkey in The Lion King! I am a long-time supporter of the triple-barreled name, for it is like having the strength of three people! Sometimes the name does not fit on official paperwork. This is because the government is deeply prejudiced. FIGHT THE POWER!
GABRIELLA takes after her mother, all witty and smart-like! She's a teenager, which I naturally find terrifying. I'm also thinking of getting her IMPROV COMEDY classes for her birthday. Sweetie, doesn't that sound like fun?!?

LEO, despite the red hair, takes after me completely. I know because that is the exact same look I get on my face when a disembodied hand presents me with baked goods.


CHASTITY and JANIS, my sister-in-law and niece! They stayed with Marilyn and I for awhile, and they are as much my family as any of my other family and possibly more than Charlie. Even though she wouldn't let me set them up in a lighthouse, Chas is a lovely woman and probably the strongest person I know, and I know the weightlifting champion of Bulgaria! Little Joplin is an utterly delightful girl with wisdom and intelligence far beyond her years. She explained Lady Gaga to me, and for this I am eternally grateful.


More Holloways! LACEY is v. young and would hate me for saying that which is why I always say it. JENNY is a sweet girl who hates disorder but somehow doesn't mind being around me, HA HA!

ANDREW knows THINGS about THINGS and does a lot of stuff I do not understand, like science and computeys and going to the gym. He is, however, very kind and thoughtful... LADIES. WINK WINK
LEONARDO is a fifteenth-century Renaissance man known for his famous Mona Lisa! Actually, he's just a regular guy who I can't find a picture of. FOILED AGAIN!

MORE TO COME! FRIENDS! ENEMIES! HILARIOUS COLLAGES! WHO KNOWS

[Chastity Holloway]

I have to disagree Lace...you look like a schoolgirl. You need to start smoking at least 40 a day and it'll age you a treat.

As for smoking being bad for you? Its never done me any harm

Also, I find it incredibly unfair that everyone was blessed with great hair and huge boobs in our family aside from me.

Janis still harps on at me about turning down that silly lighthouse Si, you created a monster with that one!

[simonbw]

Am I the only one who will set a good example for the youngins (AHEM, LIKE OUR LACEY HERE)? I have quit smoking not once, but on FIVE SEPARATE OCCASIONS. That's five times the rhetorical impact!

Also, I find it incredibly unfair that everyone was blessed with great hair and huge boobs in our family aside from me.

As a refined and distinguished gentleman with a sense of propriety and decorum, I find it incredibly impolite to talk about Andrew's huge boobs like that.

[Jenny Holloway]

*sigh* Smoking is definitely not good for you, Simon... actually I should address that little lecture to pretty much all our family, shouldn't I? See now I feel like I'm letting down the Holloway name by not smoking. That's how twisted we all are as people.

Moving on to decidedly more innocent things, Leo is the cutest little kid I've seen in a long while, and I work around little kids so you know... he's the best of the best.

Oh and Lacey? You're young, especially compared to the oldie that is Simon. *wink* You know I'm only joking, B-Dubs, please don't have a mid-life crisis on us, I don't think Marilyn could take it.

JENNY is a sweet girl who hates disorder but somehow doesn't mind being around me, HA HA!

However, I thank you very much for calling me sweet. And hey I don't hate disorder, hate is such a strong word I just... I just like everything to stay in its proper place so everything is right with the world. And so what if I arrange my stationary in the exact way it came in the packaging or if I count my steps when I walk or make sure my CDs and DVDs are aligned in their boxes... that's just being tidy.

Having said that, you are a comedy genius Simon and thank you, your comment made me smile. Especially the bit about Andrew's boobs... Simon should you really be discussing or ogling your brother-in-laws breasts? Also, Chas honey, I think Marilyn took all the breastiness genes for herself... the rest of us had to make do with the leftovers. :)